Loving ourselves into change
Hello everyone,
We’re nearly halfway through 2023! How are you doing?
I’ve had a busy month overseeing the end of our house renovation. It’s still very dusty and sandy over here, but the end is in sight. I’m so excited to take my new bath for a spin!
Having had less time than usual to curate and edit, this issue is short and sweet and takes inspiration from my own experience of coaching. I wanted to share a couple of questions my coach posed to me recently which have had a big impact on my day-to-day wellbeing. They’ve helped me to feel held, inspired useful new practices, and enabled me to see better routes forward. I hope they’re helpful in some way for you too.
Next week I’m off to Toronto to see a dear friend of mine who’s about to have a baby, I can’t wait! Please let me know if you know any system changers there I should meet.
Sending love from a very messy house,
Gen
p.s. I can’t resist sharing one link because I need to celebrate two of my coachees’ amazing new work. Please watch the short film below about the work of an inspiring organisation driving systemic change and defending the rights of LGBT people globally.
Taking exquisite care of ourselves
Sometimes great coaching is as simple as posing a really good question. My coach recently asked me to start each day by asking myself, “what’s the most loving thing I can do for myself today?” As I give this question more time and attention, I’m starting to feel big changes. And yet the response often involves only a small shift; re-ordering the day slightly, asking someone for help with something, moving a meeting, picking up a freshly baked loaf of bread, or carving out a few hours to myself. So many of us struggle to identify our needs and live our lives accordingly, let alone lovingly. But these little acts of self love are so important to our relationship with ourselves, our resilience and our happiness, the foundations for everything. This is an important growth area for me.
A few weeks ago my coach ended our session by asking, “what would it look like for you to take exquisite care of yourself?” Exquisite! The word made me feel uncomfortable. The gremlins arrived on the scene saying “wow, so indulgent!” “that’s a bit selfish, a bit over the top!” The Oxford Languages definition of exquisite is “extremely beautiful and delicate.” It doesn’t mean excessive or extravagant, but my default reaction was to interpret it as such, probably because something inside me thought I didn’t deserve it.
This question has been living in the back of my mind ever since, inspiring little experiments with exquisite care here and there. After some big events and big asks of myself in May, I decided to treat myself to a short solo trip away. A last minute discount landed in my inbox for a place we’ve rented before, so I went for it. I had no grand plan for the trip. I held a session for one of my coachees, I had a session with my own coach, and I re-designed the back-end of my practice with
. I ordered in some favourite snacks and booked a massage with a therapist who came to the house. Then on the last night, inspired by an extremely clear sky and a golden sunset, I decided to take myself up to the roof with my journal. It was a little bare up there, so I went back down for a rug and a cushion. Then a blanket and a candle, and then some snacks and a glass of wine. All of a sudden, I was taking myself on a date. I put on a nice dress and some perfume, I had a little dance, and I took in the view of the hills around me and the sounds and scents of dusk. I even managed some call and response with a little owl sitting in a tree nearby! I remember feeling really happy, grounded and at peace. The journalling I did up there crystallised some important insights about where I am right now, and encouraged some good new ideas to emerge. This is what exquisite care can look like for me, and it was the best thing I’ve done for myself in a really long time.It’s so satisfying to see neuroplasticity in action, and to feel the benefits of it. It’s what makes my work as a coach supporting others so exciting and rewarding. Sometimes all it takes for us to start forming new neural pathways is a small mechanism like a daily question focused on a theme we’re working on. Incredible.
I was reticent to share this story here, but that’s just the gremlins again, and this time they’re not so loud. I hope these questions can inspire you in some way to take good care of yourself. What does exquisite care look like for you? What does this question bring up for you? Please share your reflections with us in the comments if you feel comfortable!
#DoubleYourPride with Human Dignity Trust
Congrats to my coachee Emma Eastwood on the release of the new promotional film for Human Dignity Trust, made in partnership with my coachee James Lewis at The Good Side.
The film is released this Pride Month as part of their #DoubleYourPride campaign and demonstrates the many hard-fought and far-reaching victories achieved by Human Dignity Trust and their partners, and why they need need us to continue the momentum.